The first week of school can be one of the most emotional weeks of the year for parents.
The emotions can be incredibly varied. There can be excitement and relief, you love your children deeply, but you are also very ready for them to go back to school and to have a little more time and structure in your own life. I’m sure most of us have seen the reels and TikToks of parents practically celebrating at drop-off.
And then there can be the complete opposite: anxiety, sadness, guilt, or even a sense of dread. You may feel nauseated watching your child cry at the classroom door, worry when they cling to you, or wonder why your child seems to be having a harder time separating than everyone else.
Sometimes, we experience all of these emotions at once.
And all of them are valid.
I was reminded of this recently when I overheard a lovely dad say, “I feel like the summer was so short.”
Meanwhile, I was standing next to him thinking that it had felt like the longest summer of my life.
Almost immediately, my mind went somewhere familiar:
What kind of mom thinks that?
Why don’t I feel the way he does?
Should I have enjoyed it more?
And suddenly, I was caught in a storm of guilt, comparison, and “shoulds.”
But then I caught myself.
Instead of continuing to engage with every thought, I tried to simply notice what I was feeling.
I felt relieved.
I felt guilty.
I felt excited.
I felt a little sad.
I allowed the feelings to be there without needing to decide whether they were “right” or “wrong.”
And something interesting happened: when I stopped fighting the feelings and stopped attaching a story to each one, the thoughts slowly quieted down. I was able to return to the moment, engage in conversation, and move forward with my day.
I see this all the time in my work with parents.
Often, the emotion itself is not what causes the most distress. It is the judgment that follows it.
We think:
I shouldn’t feel this way.
Everyone else seems so happy.
Why is this harder for me?
Why is my child struggling when everyone else’s child seems fine?
But what we see from the outside is only a tiny part of someone else’s experience.
Parenthood is full of seemingly contradictory emotions. You can adore your children and desperately need a break. You can feel proud watching them walk into school and feel an ache as they walk away from you. You can want them to become independent and simultaneously want to hold onto them forever.
Both things can be true.
So, during these first weeks of school, remember:
It is normal not to feel the way everyone else seems to feel.
It is normal to feel a lot.
It is normal to feel happy and sad at the same time.
It is normal to have a fleeting thought that you are a “bad parent.” A thought or a feeling is not a fact.
It is normal to feel depleted and grateful that your child is in the care of another safe, trusted adult.
It is normal to feel emotional about letting your child go.
It is normal if your child cries, clings to you, or has a difficult drop-off. They love you.
And it is normal if they run into the classroom without looking back.
They love you, too.
There is no single “right” way for a parent—or a child—to experience the beginning of a new school year.
Sometimes the most helpful thing we can do is give ourselves permission to feel whatever is there, without immediately trying to fix it, judge it, or compare it to someone else’s experience.
It is normal to feel.
Happy first week of school to all the NYC parents. Give yourself—and your children—a little extra grace during the transition. You’re all adjusting.
And you’ve got this.
